If You Take The Name ....

I’ve worked retail far too long in my life almost 20 plus years since I was 12. It’s a good entry level job but for a living forget it.  Tonight I went out to get Medb some medication to help her sleep. While I was standing in line I witnessed an East Indian gentleman in a thick accent berate the clerk for refusing to refund an item they no longer carried in stock at their location. She was also of East Indian descent and was very polite offering him a few solutions. He was not accepting of her explanations, and demanded to see her manager or another male. To her credit she remained calm and again said there was no manager on staff, it was 10:30pm after all.

As he became more vocal I found myself unable to tolerate his attitude and I spoke up in a rather loud tone. The conversation started with me saying “I think you need to re attend English again as she has said a number of times why she can’t refund your item.” His attention turned on me and the rage in his eyes spoke volumes. He couldn’t believe that a woman had challenged him and as he became more vocal towards me I just kept it up. I followed the first comment with “ You know that in Canada we have equal rights and while I respect your right to practice your religion, you have no right to belittle her or me. Feel free to return to whatever country you came from if you can’t respect that. “  This only got him madder and he raised a hand and to his shock I clenched a fist and said “If you want to go fine, but you’re going to go home and tell your wife a woman kicked your ass !”

He was a smaller guy and I had to practice my best roleplaying face and locked eyes with him, and he blinked cursing and leaving the store. We had attracted some attention from other shoppers and they didn’t really know what to say. I got a pat on the back from a gentleman behind me who stated had he even tried he was going to pull me aside and deck him. For the cashier she had a smile on her face and a big thank you. I gave her a business card in case he complained the next day. I said I would back her up and tell the truth on how she handled the situation.

Tonight just points out that for the most part I’m done with the retail world unless I start my own venture in the future. I guess I’m like my mom in some ways, able to stand up for others over myself. Did I enjoy it? Not at all, but if I wear the S and took the name Kara it only makes it right.

Till Next Post
Be Well
Jys

Who Am I .... 1 Year Later

One year ago I sat down and started a blog called All About Me, and the first subject I tackled was Who Am I. I posted all my qualities good and bad and asked myself what kind of person I wanted to become. To be honest the jury is still out on that one. I’ve worked hard over this year to rid myself of some self-destructive traits. To become more positive about myself and the person I am becoming as I deal with repression issues. I’ve made a number of positive steps and I’ll say this blog has helped me by allowing me to be open about myself and my issues.

This year has brought a number of changes in a very short time. I’ve learned to stop being so competitive in the sales force and started helping others on the floor.  I faced my surgery with dignity and found strength during the recovery process. I met new people and made new friends and I’ve learned the difference of true friendships. I’ve grown up a lot and in some ways I’m still like a teenager at times. I’ve learned that I won’t allow others to have power over me, I’m my own woman and I have my own strength.

This year saw me travel a few times to Vegas, Minnesota and once to Toronto all with no interference. I’ve started the seeds to a few potential business ideas. I quit Glentel after a 5 year stint and went on summer vacation. I learned that I will not become an alcoholic as most of my family has become.  The biggest change came just this week as I enrolled in university for my next 10 year venture, a doctorate in psychology. 

I’ve become more confident and sure of myself and in small ways I’m embracing my sexuality and playing with sensuality in some ways. I didn’t run while in Vegas and was able to accept compliments on my appearance. I’ve still kept my protective and vindictive streak, something I will never lose. I know my artistic side is dying to come out as well as my curious side. I’m excited to be attending school again and doing my best to not get overwhelmed by it all. Just take it one small step at a time and like the past 4 years when I look back I’ll be amazed at the progress I’ve made.

What do I look forward to in the coming year? To see if I can make my business work and allow me some free money. To grow as a make-up artist and in my free time allowing my creativity to shine. I want to spend more time with family and friends and strengthen relationships.  To not be so stressed all the time and focused on things I can’t control.  Most important is to take time and educate myself and truly enjoy the university experience. 

Live life like you want to, live it to the fullest and enjoy every moment. Because if you don’t you will lose the most precious gift that you will ever have. Laugh as often as you can and share it with as many as you can and be good to those you meet on the road of life. 

I look forward to the next year and the next 100 posts, till next time ….

Be Well 

Jyslin

Then I got a Number

.... Well its official I'm now a school girl, enrolled in UFV with tests to start in August to see where my skills are. No matter the results I will be starting upgrading classes in September so I can get in the swing of going to class. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. I have my doubt's if I should be in university, however its just my own security playing old tricks on me.

It's my time to grow and challenge myself, to put the brains to work and see how far I can get. I won't be alone as Medb is also enrolled at the same school. How will it go ? Only time will tell and the effort I put into the course. I already know the path I wish to follow in Psychology, but I need to keep all my options open as my tastes may change during the course load.

For now I'm going to just be happy that I'll be on a school campus instead of a mall. I'm working for my own future and my own destiny. This is my time and my road and I know in 10 years to the kids I plan to help it will be Dr.Jys :)

Okie till next post

Be Well

The Girl Comes Out

This trip to Vegas was more then a business trip to me. It was about stretching my wings, doing and dressing in ways that were not normal. They were a chance to let loose and stop hiding behind excuses. I danced, I joked, I drank and I got sunburned.

I got to spend one on one time with several friends. I got to watch a friend face her own fears and follow my lead and cut loose. I sang and laughed with a close group of friends and had a few moments of yeah I really said that.

What will I take away from this weekend? I can be whatever I want to be and not be afraid to experience things as they come. letting go sometimes is the best method because the experience can be awesome.

Be Well

Jys

     

Cutting Loose

For 40 years I have said I've never been drunk. I've been able to exert so much control on myself that it's bordering on stupid. Last night I went put and just cut loose allowing myself to go beyond a buzz.

When I woke this morning a lot of question were answered and I'm not afraid. Most of my family are alcoholics and I've been afraid to succumb to that problem. Now feeling the effects of it I know I'm not like my father. I'm a happy person not abusive like he was. I'm funny and cute and relaxed.

It was a great night with a very close friend. Will I go repeat tonight ... Not at all but I won't be afraid to take a drink, or just stop with one if I want more.

Till next post

Be Well

The First Step ....

Last week I made an appointment at the University of the Fraser Valley to see a student adviser. Today I took my first step in knowing what I need to do to get my BSA in Psychology.  I'll need to take a test to establish my English skills, provided I do well I can skip the upgrading program and register for classes January 2013. If I need to do the upgrade classes then I'll be going to classes in Sept ...... Wheee I'm gonna be a schoolgirl. LOL

For me this is a huge step and a scary one, I Quit school a long time ago and entered the work force, mostly to hide and not face the fact I didn't want to be a guy. Grade 8 was rough on me, along with the confusion of my feelings and the constant bullying I just couldn't go back. I ended up doing home schooling for a few years, then went to work and thought I knew better then everyone. The old adage to smart for my own good does really fit me well. 

Back in 2005 I did attend Blanche MacDonald for special effect artistry and did well over the year. I enjoyed the classroom and completed the courses with a B average. Then went back to work to make sure Medb had stability. Coming out in 2008 was the turning point in my life and now that I've come to terms with myself I know what I want in life. I want to go to school and learn, to call my own shots and help others come to terms with themselves and hopefully help before they hurt themselves to badly.

So now we wait till next week and then OMG regardless I'm going to be a schoolgirl. I'm going to be a university graduate  and I'll have to tell my mom she was right she said I would be 40 before this happened.

Till next time 

Be Well  

Then It Was Done

I glanced at the clock last Saturday and it read 5:02pm and every few minutes the clock would move a bit. Time was moving like the last hour before summer vacation , and for me it really was.  The last hour crept along as i tried to keep myself busy, and then it was all over. Cash counted, phones recorded and my keys turned over to Prabh, I was done with Glentel and cell phones forever. Two long five year tour of duties came to a close. 


The question is now what .......  SUMMER VACATION !!!!!! and why not I've been working full time now for over 28 years of my life and really I'm burnt out. As Ferris said " If you don't stop and look around once in awhile you'll miss it. "  It's time to relax and just be for a bit before my next chapter in my life. The first few days were a shock but Medb has made them special.  Sushi one day with coldstones right after, cooking dinner for the family and I even managed to decorate my comic room on imvu. 


Today was the day that means the most to me. At 3:00pm I stood at student services at the University of the Fraser Valley and got an appointment to start my education... July 17th at 1:30pm will set my checklist and start me down the path towards my doctorate in psychology.

What else does my summer include ..... A trip to Vegas next week for cosmoproof and setting up the make up line. a lot of time with Medb and just being free and a trip back to Alberta to take care of my birth certificate, Other then that not a whole lot, but I'm going to savor the full 8 weeks and just enjoy life. Get to know myself and enjoy everything life has to offer.

Thank you Angel

till next time

Be Well

Happy Busted Day

July 1st 2000 changed my life in ways I couldn't comprehend all over a sleeping bag. That day was the day I stopped hiding. I had been with Medb for almost 2 years. I had managed to keep my crossdressing under control for more then two years, but I was losing control and pushing her away to keep her protected from myself and what I had felt was a horrible cross to bear.  We were having trouble and she was going up to whistler with her mom and the kids,. I had taken the time to dress trying to relive the pent up frustration I was having not being able to express myself. I had taken the day off early gone home and unpacked a hidden box of clothes i had kept for the past two years. I was reading something in the computer room when I heard someone trying to open the door to the house. I had taken precautions and locked the door out of fear of being found out. Didn't matter we lived in the country. When I looked out I saw her car and the banging was getting louder. I bolted for the upstairs bedroom where I had gotten dressed as she started to get into the house.

The sound of heels on tile alerted as she entered the house she came to the same room where I was the door locked my body weight pushed against it. She hit it so hard she broke the door frame and I just managed to get out of what ever I was wearing and into my pants and top. My heart was racing like a jack rabbit, she stormed past me looking thru the room and out the window. Then thru the house and it gave me a few moment to try and remove the deep stain of lipstick. At that moment I knew it was all over, those few  moments i tried to carve out of my life and just feel normal had done me in. It was only a matter of time, before she had figured it out, so what did I do ? I  tried to cover it up acting as there was nothing wrong.
She swore there was another woman but there wasn't one. We went out to get her gas and the sleeping bag and I was trying to act macho and say no love I'll get it because I'm your boyfriend right.

We came back to the house to drop me off and were talking when she touched my cheek and looked at me deeply and asked said you know that shade doesn't suit you. I told her everything and she listened unfortunately she had to get back but would call me later..... That was the start of my second birthday, my female one lol and It went on till 2008 each year Medb would make it special and we would celebrate my day of freedom. I've grown a lot over the last decade and walked paths and experienced things no one should but I wouldn't change it for the world. That day started me down a road that led to being able to just be. To be truthful to myself and allow me to open up and share with others. In return I've been blessed with my best friend in the world and I cherish her so much. I've met a ton of new folks and I've just been allowed to be instead of a few hours here and there.

I don't need busted day anymore, but I will always enjoy it and cherish the day.

Till next post

Be Well