My day started out in a way that made me think. Just arriving to work and 15 before we open I was trying to get everything unlocked and ready I had a customer that wanted help and a phone that would not stop ringing. I felt my stress level go up and was angry in the help I was about to give.
Why was it.... the old guy had a simple question and the phone call was a persistent virgin rep who couldn't grasp the fact of we're not open yet and I don't have the phone in stock. Neither was rude but it made me want to fight immediately and argue. While the day drug on it continued... my first impulse to defend and argue.
The question is why.... what makes this the default action, do I like this about me and if I wanted could I change it? All my life I have felt like I have to defend my point right or wrong. To defend my actions and opinions. I don't know why it just feels that way. The last three years to many I felt like I had to defend my right to be here. To exist and have the same rights as others. Some legitimate and for others overblown, it's amazing what points of view will do.
So how do I change this because I don't like to always be on the defensive. I don't like the hours long arguments I can produce in my head long after the situation as passed. It's a part of What I do. I want to change that. I want to be more open and be able to interact on a calm and rational basis. It's something I want to be able to do and make it mine.
Easier said then done I know but starting tomorrow morning when that first problem comes up it will be my first chance to implement and see what transpires ....
I'll keep ya all posted
It is likely very hard for you, right now, to choose to respond in a different way while you are still pigeonholed into the job you used to do before you started being true to yourself.
ReplyDeleteReacting defensively is a habitual response for you ... and habits are hard to break. As long as you are making a point to remember to catch yourself when you start to respond that way, you'll gradually begin to make the change you want. It takes 30 days of consistent effort to alter a habit, take it one day at a time and you'll succeed.
Developing new response choices will become easier once you no longer feel trapped in a job that a) doesn't suit the real you and b) is a waste of a perfectly good intellect.
Hang in there ... it's not that much longer 'till you have your chance.
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