I sometimes think I've gone so far and other days I find the reality that I haven't.... today was one of those days. My Extensions came to the point the needed to be retightened, something I've been doing for over 2 1/2 years now. Rache had made a suggestion to see the girl who had some her hair piece, so we went to see Ms Rose and Charlene. I had already been having a hard day emotionally dealing with nightmares and a fear of being rejected for the surgery bases on my blood sugar.
We got there and had the cap removed... while she was gentle it had hurt. The damage done to my scalp over the last few years of wearing is showing. She suggested a clip in cap until we could figure something to do with my piece ie making it into a removable cap or something else. While we got the hair de tangled and cleaned I saw myself in the mirror. I had a hard time with it seeing the natural hair.... Logically I know its damaged and has regrown a lot over the last few years.... but I couldn't see that. I was having a very hard time not seeing what I have been hiding behind the last few years. My crutch ... my extensions, my new mask and Medb has pointed out.
It caused me to break down with out it. I felt naked and exposed even thou this will be healthier in the long run. It's something I have to get use to tonight and will have to for the next little while. The new cap is cute and flirty and I'm using 95% of my natural hair..... but I still don't have the confidence I had before,but I have to learn it, because really it was just another form of mask. To help tonight I did do one thing.... made a new virtual hair...lol
If it was only that easy in real life..... Tomorrow is another day and I know this will make me better if I can overcome it ... I do look forward to medb running her fingers thru the real hair and not my old mop.
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