Happy for friends

Some days its hard to believe a year has gone by so quickly. For me this week will have a lot of emotion so I'm going to start it off with a happy note.  Tonight I got word from Jazzy that she had reconnected with a long lost family member and I was excited for her :) . It was fantastic to hear her be so excited and to be able to take part in a way of support.

She has supported me thru out the last year by always being there as a friend. I don't think she has missed a day my messenger or bbm has not had something on it. Like Sheri and a few others they are true and real friends. They have given me something I really hadn't had before.... but how could I have had them. I didn't love myself or care about myself.

This year has taught me that you need to truly be at peace with yourself and other will re-enter your life and make it positive. last year I felt alone... today I look at those that I have met Jazz, Rache, Sheri, Peter and Mark and understand that they like me for me. Not what I can do for them .... I look with pride at those that have stood by me thru all of this  Scott, Denese, Justin, Steph, Jen and Taylor and realize that they all saw something in me that I couldn't see before. They want to know Kara as much as I try to find out who I am. 

It's a great feeling to have :)

Odd Week

I can say this was an emotional and odd week for myself. I had finally got to spend some real time with my mom. Met her new friend Freida and for the first time in a long time, someone I couldn't read.

The break down on friday was hard but by saturday I was over it. Better then I would have been a few years ago. Medb and I spoke last night about what I will do during my break and heal up time... What hobby can take up some time.
Again I find myself staring at a blank wall.

What do I wish to do, to try and expand my experiences. I know I can't just play games or dev on IMVU because ill be bored in a week. My fall back work will not be an option.... Do I try to draw again, knit, something else? I've ruled out bungee jumping till next year, so I've got one thing off a list.

Time will tell I'm sure.... Well better get selling now

Be well

Bad Hair Day ...

I sometimes think I've gone so far and other days I find the reality that I haven't.... today was one of those days. My Extensions came to the point the needed to be  retightened, something I've been doing for over 2 1/2 years now. Rache had made a suggestion to see the girl who had some her hair piece, so we went to see Ms Rose and Charlene.  I had already been having a hard day emotionally dealing with nightmares and a fear of being rejected for the surgery bases on my blood sugar.

We got there and had the cap removed... while she was gentle it had hurt. The  damage done to my scalp over the last few years of wearing is showing. She suggested a clip in cap until we could figure something to do with my piece ie making it into a removable cap or something else. While we got the hair de tangled and cleaned I saw myself in the mirror. I had a hard time with it seeing the natural hair.... Logically I know its damaged and has regrown a lot over the last few years.... but I couldn't see that. I was having a very hard time not seeing what I have been hiding behind the last few years. My crutch ... my extensions, my new mask and Medb has pointed out.

It caused me to break down with out it. I felt naked and exposed even thou this will be healthier in the long run. It's something I have to get use to tonight and will have to for the next little while. The new cap is cute and flirty and I'm using 95% of my natural hair..... but I still don't have the confidence I had before,but I have to learn it, because really it was just another form of mask. To help tonight I did do one thing.... made a new virtual hair...lol

If it was only that easy in real life..... Tomorrow is another day and I know this will make me better if I can overcome it ... I do look forward to medb running her fingers thru the real hair and not my old mop.

Calming Factor...

A few weeks ago I tried to make some changes in my life and getting my anger under control. It's been tough but I have had some success with it :). I've been able to interact with customers on a calmer level and have had an easier time adjusting to my new store.

I came in with my ego, and it was the wrong thing to do. I know I'm good at what I do .... but new staff, new co workers and a vastly different level of clients to learn. It overwhelmed me, and even now I'm trying to learn it all over again.... and guess what I'll do it and make it work :) .

I got something today from a customer that I never got from Costco ... A hug from a customer for making a bad situation better. I didn't do anything but understand her problem and find a way to fix it. It was a fantastic feeling and totally unexpected and will make me try harder to keep the calm response.

A few weeks ago I would have gotten angry and done as little as possible... That's not what I want to be anymore. I want to be more like it was today, relaxed and a feeling of doing something for someone that needed the help.

Tomorrow I wake up and go to see my Doctor for my blood tests .... breathes deep can't worry about something I can't control.

Glad the day is over

The day is over after a long day at work ... staff meeting after for Ashley to get some stuff caught up for her meeting tomorrow. Will say the meeting was better then most plus free pizza is always good. While she is far younger then myself and a bit older then Dave I feel she does respect my experience in the company.

My legs are throbbing thou and so glad to be off them, will be nice to get off then for tonight. I'm not going to lie I can't keep the days up here much longer. 8 plus hours standing all day with very little time off the feet takes its toll on me. I'll re evaluate the situation once everything is settled and I'm healing from surgery.

For now its a hot shower ans some much needed cuddle time with my Finacee so I'll sign off with my usual Imvu saying that has made its way into my speech pattern

Be Well

Roller coaster emotions

There are days you have to learn to walk away, times to look the other way and just trust in yourself.
Today was one of those days that went from uncertainty, to major relief , to anger and the feeling of just wanting it over.

We got good news that will allow us to make sure we are covered while I have my surgery. A true blessing right now after months of just wait.... wait longer. It will all be over in a few months and a new chapter in my life will open. What got me angry was a customer deliberately lying in front of my face to my manager, dodging questions asked and screaming in front of me. I swear if we had even better news today she would have gotten a fist in the face. Hew words and tone upset me that much.

Now at home calming down I know what I need pure digital violence feeding my shield to  some poor orc. Tomorrow is another day and I'll let it go and reflect on this and just count down my days here and look at the future,

5110 Days and Counting...

It has been 5110 days since our first date, that first kiss that entwined our destiny. We promised each other it would be one day at a time. The thing about one day at a time is the fact they add up.... and you get so much out of every single day.

5110 days of smiles and laughter
5110 days of holding you while you hold me
5110 days of being there when you cry
5110 days of being there while you accomplish your goals
5110 days when you have to work harder to get that goal
5110 days of dreams
5110 days of fears
5110 days of stark reality's
5110 days of raising our sons
5110 days of watching our grand daughter
5110 days of tears
5110 days of unforgettable memories
5110 days of story building
5110 days of sanity
5110 days of insanity
5110 days of love

Angel I wish you the best on day number 5110, and blessed that you are my best friend and my Fiancee and as we celebrate today... I have to say I can't wait till day 5111  :)