River Walk

One of things I've learned in Montreal is they love to bike and walk... a short walk to them is 3km's , that's how far it was from the residence to the hospital where rache had been dropped off. I'm out of shape cause the walk killed me a bit but gave me some time to reflect on what this might be like in Oct when its my turn. I'm taking medb approach on this one. I don't want to get my hopes up to be turned down. I know if it doesn't go that way I will be hurt.

My mind is my own worse enemy and I've given it to much power over my entire life for so long, that its a hard habit to break or to walk away from. Medb has said if they say no we can look at thailand, and for the last several months I've tried to think if I can just live like this as I have for the last few years. With forms and high dose hormones, or just de transtition and live as I was born content in the knowledge that I know who I am regardless of how I look.

Having my operation is not life and death, no matter what I feel it's only a step in this place we call life. On the other side I can't de transition and live my life as a man and having the whole world see me and interact like I'm male because I'm not and I won't crawl back into a shell. High dose hormones won't be an option either as over time they will just weaken me more and cause me to have more health problems.

AS I walked closer to the hospital i took a moment to look around me and see the families playing at the park , young lovers embraced in a kiss and people just having fun. This is what life is all about living,,, and i have to keep in mind that no matter what happens tomorrow I'm still alive and that it won't be the end of the world just another step and hurdle to get over. Looking back I've cleared over everyone and nothing is going to stop me ....

I do wish Medb was here tonight but I will be home soon in 4 days or so 

Be Well All