The one thing you can not argue with is the higher then normal rate of suicide with transgender individuals, Some estimates peg it as high as 20 times that over the normal population. So the question becomes why? What makes it so high ? Is it the struggle to be accepted ? Is it the fact that you are not prepared for your new life? Support system or lack of one? Fear of going on in what was a perceived reality? Loss of friends and family ? Religions right wing nuts? some or none of the above ?
I don't know but I have my theories. They might be right, they might be wrong but here's my thoughts....
"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you do learn oh god do you learn" ... C.S. Lewis
From the moment we learned to conceal our selves, we started the mental damage. The fear, the self loathing and the self abuse that we inflicted on our selves in the pursuit to make others happy. to deny ourselves the ability to be happy for our selves and the years of resentment it breeds.
When the shell breaks and we choose to try and undo the years of pain, it becomes all about us. How many people do we drive away because of the drastic changes we seem to go almost overnight. The way we start to talk and act like? For myself I know I hurt many and did damage to a number of others when I came out. The fact is I hoped to keep everyone and in the end I lost friendships.
Now lets look at this is this truly a transgender thing.... really it's not. Over the course of a life time we will lose many friends and family and sometimes over the stupidest things. The funny thing is we all forget that we will meet many new people over the course of our lives.
I lost my wife / husband / children ect .... Yes for a trans woman or man this is a VERY REAL possibility and it's one that I hear and see all to often .... honestly when you look at it the context of your life this again isn't a trans thing. It happens to people in all walks of life. Relationships end all the time and the average person will go thru several partners in ones life times. For the transgender you have to remember your partner just woke up to a different person all together and you are causing them to accept not only you, but they have to look hard at there sexuality. Relationships change all the time if it ends do what you can to be friends... if it can't be get a lawyer that has experience with GLBT cases. Do not let then walk all over you, just becasue you are trans does not give them the right to take everything. We all want to be free and in the starting stages we will give everything to walk away.
I lost my job or I can't do my job anymore. Yes transgenders face a lot of discrimination in the work place mostly due to people not understanding the medical condition or base facts on sterotypes. Lets face the fact you are a new person and you want to try something new and you should. School is a great place to transition because you are learning something more suited to you. You are never to old to learn and the change of scenery will do you good.
The world is out to get me .... all these forms, they called me a guy/girl ... they are all looking at me .... oh my god yada yada yada.
Ok lets look at this logically. Yes paperwork sucks and the rules could be more streamline for this to be easier. In the end its just some cash and time on your end. From doing my name change to changing ID all in all was just tedious and mostly easy. The people I had to deal with were easy to talk to except one person for my sin card, She made a point to belittle me in front of others in the line and I called her on it getting her manager involved. In short I stood up to her and my right to be myself.
I will always be alone no one else will ever love me.... no one ever understands me. AWWWWW yes spoken just like a true angst ridden teenager that really no matter how old you are. Hormonal changes and the fact that you have no choices in life .... such a trans thing .... NOT !!! Face it you are growing up just like everyone else did, with a choice to choose a relationship instead of one you thought you had to have due to society!!! Would you date yourself at this stage .... Really. The fact is you don't know what fate will bring we all don't it's why we call it life.
My surgery is done why am I not fixed !!! ??? --- This one is the simple one to figure out. No amount of surgery will ever fix you. It's not the problem and you have not addressed the cause of the problem. Your psyche is not addressed. To many trans race to the surgery in an almost goal like fashion, focusing on the surgery instead of the problem of identity. Healing that part of you that is truly damaged and in need of fixing your identity because a year of full time isn't going let you find out who you are. It will barely scratch the surface. Why is this ..... read above because I'm trans I lost my friends, family, job the world hates me ....
So if you focus on this all the time where do you go. Into depression and other bad places. Why do you stay there because you are use to those negative emotions and in a sick twisted way they are a source of comfort.
" Act like a victim you will always be a victim, act like a winner and you will be a winner "
Why do we have a high suicide rate .... look above to many of us have lived a life of fear and look at real life situations as it's all against me. We weren't given the coping tools for life. Given hormonal changes and a sever lack of post trans people not willing to help those about to start the transition and mentor them thru an essential second puberty and I can see why its so high. For those that read this here is my advice ,,,,
Your life is new ... you have to treat it as such.
You have every right to be happy and to belong
Don't let people walk all over you but respect those that can\t and tell you so
It's all new so take time to cherish the good feelings so when it gets dark you can remember them
Most important start finding out who you are and who you want to be like a child your imagination is the limit
You have more strength then you think
If you have dark thoughts get help because life is a beautiful thing ...
" Live Life Like You Want To" - Midnight
A very special saying one that might seem to be impossible but its not. You have the ability at this point in your life to be whatever you want. School, work, arts hobbies its all new and nothing can stop you but yourself. Don't let your worst enemy be yourself.
Be Well
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