I Constented to WHAT ???!!!???

Actually it's not as bad as the title made it out to be. I'm writing this at the hotel with Medb and a very close friend Jen. While this should be my first night at the residence getting to know my shuffle mates, I opted to take the day and relax with Medb and spend one last night with her before I'm admited to the hospital for surgery some time wed morning.

What got to me was the consent form's I had to sign and one in practicular that said I consent to the amputation of the penis and testicals. This gave me a moment to pause because it's a relization that you're asking for a qualified surgeon to cut and amputate something to make you feel like you're the way you should have been. It's a reality check that you need to make, you need to make sure that in your mind, and in your spirit or soul that this is what you really want. How important is it to you, and what will you gamble ?

Fact check for this surgery... I'm going to say first that you need to make sure you're ready to go thru with this and the aftercare required for this... It's not something you rush into. There are a number of risk factors up to and including death. Infection, pain,revisons are a possibility, skin grafts are required if you don't have enough skin ... um yeah that will probably be me unless I'm realllly lucky.

So I ask myself what am I willing to gamble... what am I willing to risk to achieve this? Most would say I've come out lucky and beaten the house and do you need the surgery really to be happy.  That's something thats a different call for everyone.... For me yes I have to go all the way and do the compete surgery. Why.... as in my title of the blog It's all about me and I'm being very open .... Why ? ... Because I have a very hard time touching myself even for basic cleaning, some might say TMI. However it is the truth and I can't go around not looking, or touching it and feeling it is alien to me. I'm ashamed of my genital's and mentaly it is affecting me.

Will this fix me and make me perfect .... No it won't. It will however make me feel like I should be, it will allow me to remove a roadblock in my life and open a ton more. It will allow me to grow and develop as I should have. I leanred over the last two years that I have no control over others reactions, I just have to trust and accept that it will work out like it should.

Be Well