Sleepless night

Change.... regardless or not it always happens and not always what you think it might be. It's early Sunday morning and I'm having trouble sleeping, all nerves for sure. The last three weeks have been a whirlwind for me. They have seen me off hormones for the first time in almost three years. My last shifts at glentel and leaving something that I've known for almost a decade. Last but not least a physical change that will match what's inside and what feels right to me, and this is just the beginning of change.

My mind isn't here its almost a year ahead trying its best to map out all the possible outcomes... a task that is failing because you can't map out every possible scenario. Change is coming faster then I realized, school something that I've haven't done since dropping out in grade 8 because I couldn't cope with it. New direction for work ... something I enjoy to do for just pocket money.... and a body with few limitations.

I just popped my head into the bedroom to watch Medb sleep, and my emotions choked up because she is so beautiful and I love her so much. I've been able to keep a lot back when she is awake cause I can fuss. I wonder how things will be after this... and as I start to worry I'm forced to remind myself that's for her to decide not me. Just like before its one day at a time.

I look at the dynamics my friendships have developed since I started and I'm grateful that I can be open and I have some wonderful friends. Thru the last week so many have been supportive most wondering if I'm sure... Yeah I am... no regrets in doing this. My only regret was lying to my angel when we first met, I wish I had the strength to be honest then.

So in 4 hours I'll be getting up if I can sleep and start the journey to Montreal confident that this is the right path. That I am truly loved by my angel and my friends and the fact that I no longer have to lie to people about who I am. Am I scared ... Yes but not by the surgery itself, not by the aftercare, but by the unknown factors I now face. my body is no longer a limitation ... hello swimming pool LOL.

Be Well all