The Ugly Truth

The hardest thing I've had to work on the last few months is looking at my ugly parts. They are there lurking and coming face to face with them have caused me to face a number of painful memories. They've caused me to critically look at myself and challenge a lifetime of fear and doubt.

Life is what ever you make it. Simple and easy and for most of my life I've made it tougher then it really needed to be. I've put up roadblocks, let my health suffer and went to 300 pounds.... For what a feeling that I wasn't worth it, that because I was different. For me those voices of self doubt have done more harm then any part of my journey.

Here is the cold hard truth about transition .... You will be your own worst enemy. You will try to deny yourself happiness. You will blame yourself for things you can't control and when times are rough you will try to destroy yourself from within.

I'll lose my spouse .... Yes you could your relationship was built on a lie, they have a right to be upset ... but they might have the strength to walk with you or at some point still be your friend. My kids will leave and not love me ... If you've raised them well they won't but it's there choice. You have to let go of what the.shell built and see what you become.

For a long time I felt I lost my family my friends but I didn't I lost negative influences in my life that I didn't need. I've built better and healthier relationships in the last 4 years then I did as a shell. I'm starting to look after myself and feel good. I'm growing and no matter how painful it is, no matter how hard it will get ..... You can't take it away from me.

I've grown past the transition to female, because I am female and no one can take that.from me, I'm Kara .... I'm a fighter, I'm a father, I'm a survivor and I'm whoever I wish to be.

Be Well

Just Be You ...

I've heard the saying I just wanted to be me ... I lived my whole life as they wanted me to ... I just couldn't take it and then ....... Well fill in the blank. To say that this is only a trans thing is so wrong. It's a human thing as we age and grow we all worry about the road we never took. We blame society for making us be a certain way, the truth is... you didn't have the strength to just be yourself and chose to let others remake you. Every human being has experienced it in one form or another.

The question begs why does it take a major life shake up or near death to see it? Why do we not just be who we are? How do you just do it..... whats the secret?  .... It's easy just be yourself. Do what you love and surround yourself with those that love you for nothing more then being you. Live life on your terms and never give up on your dreams. Those folks that wallow in negativity turn your back and just let them be miserable.

I broke into a million pieces 4 years ago and it was the best thing for me to do. I'm healthier then most people and I've come to realize that what we all see as trans issues are just human issues just with a different cause. People fall in and out of love all the time. Job's come and go and friends and family always change.  people always have medical challenges and really you only have control of one thing..... You and really its all anyone has to control.

Welcome to humanity ....What do you want to be !!!

Be Well

OhMy !!!!

It started in a slow roll and exploded in a sensation that I will never forget. A feeling so deep that its hard to put into words. I collapsed into her arms and openly wept as the sensation past. A whole number of questions finally being answered and fears being thrown back into the darkness where they belong. Would I be able to again feel everything, could I orgasm again and the most important question. Was the operation the correct path for me? yes...Yess  ..... YYEEEESSS . Its hard to lie when the body feels right and you have a deep inner peace.

I laid there for several moment ... her arms wrapped around me and let all the stress go. The knowledge that this was the right path for me. My gamble paid off in full and truly feeling whole. The body and mind were in one and in sync. In 30 years I had not experienced  the feeling that I'm complete.  It was amazing and a true day to remember.... I can now say to anyone that this was the right road to take bar none. The surgery was the right path for me to take. No one can tell me different because I've lived it ... and experienced it.

I have no words to describe it but life and I'll always be grateful in the one person who risked everything to give me this gift... My angel, she is my rock, my love and most important my best friend te amo mi angel . 


Be Well