There's times I wonder what would have been, had nature not messed up? I listen to jazzy talk about her youth, cruising with girl friends listening to rock music. I listen to Rachel tell of her teen years with friends. I then think about my childhood and I can remember sleeping and going to work. I was the loner in almost every sense of the word.
From childhood sitting under desks looking out at other kids playing, not knowing where I fit it. To school where I didn't socialize with others, not because I didn't want to I just couldn't.
From childhood sitting under desks looking out at other kids playing, not knowing where I fit it. To school where I didn't socialize with others, not because I didn't want to I just couldn't.
My last year of school was in grade 8, a year of being bullied until I put one kids head between a locker door and the post. He got 68 stitches and I got time to sit in with the school councillor.
That was my last year in school I followed up with a few years of home schooling. Went to work full time at the age of 13... fast forward to today.
Things happened to me the last few months the hardest one was in Vegas. I found myself in an afterhours club with Jaz and Rachel. I had a large man grab my ass that ended putting me in a panic mode. In short order I found myself back to feeling like the kid sitting under the desk. I didn't like the feeling that it brought me, I didn't like the feeling of being alone.
Vegas gave me some fun memories, it opened up something in me and made me realize that I don't want to control myself as much. I want to feel more then I've allowed myself to feel. I know that my time with my company is coming to an end. I feel that I've gone way to long and with all the changes coming I need to start fresh.
Medb has told me that when I go to college and university thing will change and it will be an experience, I sure hope it will be. I asked myself today is it to late to make new experiences .... Instead of a negative you're to old.... I heard hell no :)
perhaps I'm changing a few things already
*smiles*
ReplyDeleteYou are never too old to learn ... not ever ^_^
And, like I've been telling you ... 40 is when women start getting it right in their lives. In that, you're right on time ^_~
you will do amazing Kara. In the while I have become close to you as a friend I have seen so much growth in you.
ReplyDeleteKara, my childhood was a lot like yours. Social pariah on the playground, picked last for everything, hid in corners and behind trees alot. I remember being told I was not allowed to stay inside and read during recess and being FORCED to go outside and feel like crap with other kids.
ReplyDeleteIf nature hadn't messed up, would you have been different at that point? I don't know, I expect not. But nevertheless you ARE a wonderful person. Nature did not mess THAT up. Your personality, your friends, your life are all as YOU make them - not Nature. Keep that in mind. "Fixing" what Nature "messed up" will not change who you ARE. And who you are doesn't need fixing. At least *I* don't think so.
TY Jen ... I know fixing won't change me but it will allow me to grow and become more then what I was :)
ReplyDelete